I dont really feel well this afternoon. Sometimes the medication the doctor has me on bothers me more than other days. My stomach is so upset. I have a brain tumor that the medical staff is trying to shrink. If all goes well it should be gone with in five years. My hubby and I have been passing a virus back and forth the last couple of weeks and my ears and jaws hurt because I subconsciencously clench my teeth (stress) when I am sleeping. It is called TMJ. I have mouth guards coming but they cannot come soon enough. Curling up in the closet sounds so appealing right now. Of course I wouldnt really do it but when I start feeling like this I have two reactions, either isolate or snuggles, lots and lots of needed snuggles. I can get to feeling so emotional and that hug makes a difference. There is smoke filling the kitchen and rolling into the living room. We spilt something on the burner and with electric burners when you spill something on it you smell for the next week when you use it. My honey is making bbq ribs per my request. My sister inlaw (D) mentioned them on a facebook status and I started craving them. He can be so sweet. I am thankful it is smoke I am smelling and not the bbq or I may be tossing my cookies. The nausea usually only lasts for a couple hours once it is started if I take anti-nausea meds. I am so thankful pills like that being available. I cannot imagine walking around like that with out relief. Beanie is curled up at around my feet. I love him so much. I found some comfort in some more of Max Lucados writing. Here is a small piece of it.
A Cut Above
Be still and know that I am God. psalms 46:10 (NIV)
The word holy means, "to seperate." The ancestory of the term can be traced back to an ancient word which means "to cut." To be holy, then, is to be a cut above the norm, superior, extraordinary.... The Holy One dwells on a different level from the rest of us. What frightens us, does not frighten Him. What troubles us, does not trouble Him. I'm more of a landlubber than a sailor, but I have puttered around in a bass boat enough to finding land in the storm.... You dont aim at another boat. You certainly dont stare at the waves. You keep your sights on an object unaffected by the wind - a light on a shore - and go straight toward it.... When you set your sights on our God, you focus on one a "cut above" any storm life may bring... You find peace. ~ The Great House of God
This helps a lot because it is so easy to get caught up in the what ifs or the worst case scenarios. Something else that helps me is:
Phillipians 4:8 (New Living Translation) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
If my dog were a person, his occupation would be a professional jump roper. He can already jump so high! He jumps to eye level with out a run right now. If this transferred over, jump roping would be an excellent selection for him. I just love him.
Since I got home from visiting Mom and Dad (H) I have been doing a lot of reading especailly books by Max Lucado.
What I have been reading has been speaking volumes to my heart. Here are a few pieces of the literature.
Open Your Heart
Psalms 56:3 (New Living Translation) When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
How did Jesus endure the terror of the crucifixion? He went first to the Father with his fears. He modeled the words of Psalms 56:3 - " When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Do the same with yours. Dont avoid lifes Gardens of Gethsemane. Enter them. Just dont enter them alone. And while there, be honest. Pounding the ground is permitted. Tears are allowed. And if you sweat blood you wont be the first. Do what Jesus did; Open your heart. And be specific, Jesus was, "Take this cup," He prayed. Give God the number of the flight. Tell Him the length of the speech. Share the details of the job transfer. He has plenty of time. He also has plenty of compassion. He doesnt think your fears are foolish or silly. He wont tell you to "Buck up" or "Get tough." He has been where you are. He knows how you feel. And He knows what you need. ~ Traveling Light
God is Crazy About You
God even knows how many hairs are on your head. Matthew 10:30
There are many reasons God saves you: to bring glory to Himself, to appease His justice, to demonstrate His Sovereignty. But one of the sweetest reasons God saved you is because He is fond of you. He likes having you around. He thinks you are the best thing that has come down the pike in quite a while.... If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk He will listen. He can live anywhere in the Universe, and He chose your heart... Face it friend, He is crazy about you.... ~ A Gentle Thunder
He is your God
I am God; Not a human. I am the Holy One and I am among you. Hosea 11:9
Before you read any further, reflect on those last four words, ' I am among you." Do you believe that? Do you believe God is near? He wants you to. He wants you to know that He is in the midst of your world. Wherever you are, as you read these words, He is present. In your car. On the plane. In your office, your bedroom, your den. He is near. God is in the thick of things in your world. He has not taken up residence in a distant galaxy. He has not removed Himself from History. He has not chosen to seclude Himself on a throne in an incandescent castle. He has drawn near. He has involved Himself in the carpools, heart breaks and funeral homes of our day. He is near to us on Monday as on Sunday. In the school room as in the sanctuary. At the coffee break as much as the communion table. ~ And the Angels Were Silent
This is not the God that I was introduced to as a child or adolescent. I think most anyone that is scared into their faith and do not come to it on their own will one day question it and have to come to it on there own. If only we could teach all of our young ones about God using a model something like these writings.
This is Mom and Dad (H). God gave them to me. I love them. They are both pastors for the Penticostal Holiness Church. What I like about them is that they are real. They meet people where they are at and hand them tangible things of God that will help them. They listen with more than their ears. In my last visit I felt the love of God radiating from the in ways that I never have before. I wanted to be near them but being near them only fed my desire to be closer to God. Thank you God for Blessing my life with them.
I have come to an answer that brings peace to my heart. My problem is that I need to take my eyes off of everyone else and start looking to God alone. If only I could be like a horse with blinders and only see God. It will take training to only look to Him. Whether or not something is ok, the answer is not found in and around everyone else. I need to hold what I am questioning and ask myself and look to God and ask Does this take anything away from God? Is it a hinderance ? What does the Bible have to say about it?
! Thessalonians 5:21-22 (Amplified Bible) But test and prove all things (until you can recognize) what is good; (to that) hold fast. Abstain from evil (Shrink from it and keep aloof from it) in what ever form or what ever kind it may be.
That makes a lot of sense to not just run around blindly and just accept them at face value.
Deuteronomy 18:10&11(Amplified Bible) Let there not be found among you (who is).... a fortune teller, soothsayer, charmer, diviner,/or caster of spells, no one one who consults ghosts and spirits or seeks oracles from the dead.
Not out of fear but out of Love for my Lord and a desire to please Him there are changes that need to take place in my life. I wish that I would have started asking God in the first place instead of holding things up to people and asking, "Is this ok?" or "Or is that ok?"
No more Astrology or Astromancy. Why look to the stars when we can look the the very creator of the stars? No more clairovoyance (Spiritual vision or inner sight), no more scrying ( looking at or using reflective objects to see the future), no more lithomancy (stones and gems for guidance in future) - out the window go the Runes. No more Hydromancy( looking to water for signs of the future). No more looking to the dead or the souls of the dead for answers- Necromancy. No more numerology - looking to numbers to hold truths about things to come. No more pyromancy - gazing into fire to tell ones future or wisdom of things to come. No more palmstry, reading a persons palm to learn more about them and possibly what they may face in the future. No more spirit boards, no more Tasseography or Tasseomancy (looking at tea leaves of coffee grounds used to read the future events)
I throw it all out and dont want it in my life. Father please forgive me for looking to everything and everyone but you. I romantisized the idea of being from a line of witches or those that practice witch craft. There is nothing romantic about it.
I will not spell cast, use charms or talismen for God alone can take care of me.
2 Samuel 22:3 (Amplified Bible) my God is my rock, In whom I find protection. He is my sheild, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge and my savior, the One who saves me from Violence.
I may not have all the answers but this is definitely a good start. I am prepared for a time of planting and weeding of things in my life.
I dont want to go to hell. I have always thought of hell as a hole in the ground like alice and wonderland except for never ending falling and torment. It is still branded to my mind how it is said that there would be weeping and gnashing of teeth. I remember hearing a story of a man in hell that asked the Lord for just a drop of water and was denied. I have come to the conclusion over the last few days that God does not take pleasure in releasing those he has to into hell. I think it breaks His heart. I am beginning to question if God still holds a love for those that will suffer there forever. I dont know what to think about the end of days, or the end of the world. Will heads roll from geotines like they did in the movie that I was shown to "save" me. If there is a time of tribulation for those that God left behind in his second coming, maybe times have advanced so much that people will be killed by electric chair or lethal injection. I do not like to think about how people may be killed if the stories of God coming and taking and leaving some and those that are left on earth having to not only face evil that one could ever imagine but also prove their love for God the father by not accepting something that is called the "mark of the beast." I was taught that in the end of the world, "the mark of the beast" would be required for sales and purchases as well as identification and that it would be placed on the right hand or forehead. With it, there is no saving you. You will die a spiritual death and go to hell where you are eternally seperated from God and tormented for eternity. With out it you will die physically because the world is going to want to kill you. But give up your life and refuse the "mark" and gain Heaven and freedom. Is all of this true? It is scary. I spent my entire life believing it. I was taught about such things since I was a toddler and what child does not believe what they are told again and again. My hubby's church doesnt believe any of it. They believe that when God decides to end the world, He will end it. It will be like closing a book. There will be no time of tribulation and proving or not proving yourself, that is what life is for? I do hope that this is true. All the tribulation and "mark of the beast" still scares me. I am a child of God. I have a fierce battle that goes on with in me. The God that I met at the Bible camp was/is amazing. I am so overwhelmed (in a good way) by His love. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I went to church with my honey and felt so ministered to. All the things that I spent the week praying and talking to God about were addressed in that service. It brought tears to my eyes, how personal God gets with us and how He meets us where we are. If you have read my previous posts you may be confused because I have some posts about Christianity and some about Witch Craft. I wish that I could look at everything around me and make decisions and decide on my likes and dislikes and not have to deal with fears of this may or may not send me to hell. I Cherish my Heavenly Father and the relationship I have developed with him. It is more than fear. I also find some ways of paganism and the Craft compelling. I suppose I am like that small child who wants to please their father. They know that if they do this they may get hurt but the temptation is so great. A good example is like a child knowing a pan is hot and they could get burnt if they reach up and mess with them but it doesnt always stop them. Last night I laid in bed and thought about how I have been told that light and dark cannot go together. It is either dark or light. Where there is light there can be no darkness. Then I started to wonder about the times of the day when the sun is rising and setting. Those are times that it is neither dark nor light. I know that is not right either because God said that he would spit anyone out that "sat on the fence" or was "luke warm." I feel a bit frustrated and angry. I do not need nor desire the spell casting, charms and talismen. I know that my God can take care of me. I sit and wonder if stones, crystals, herbs, minerals etc... and all their properties were not a gift from God. I have to ask myself how they are any different than the prescriptions that we find in our pharmacies. A pastor once told me that I should not fret if I was not supernaturally healed because sometimes God chooses to heal us through doctors and their knowlege of medicines and therapies. I can hear the resounding No that would come from anyone I know that shares a passion for God the Father. But where does one draw the line to what on earth is given to us to help us and what is not. How is a stone or crystal different than a tylenol? How is an agate stone different than a pill offered for anxiety. Couldnt one just say glory to God they both help you ground yourself? I have asked these questions and got an overwhelming no. It is hair pulling. I just do not see why not. I hated reading as a child until my foster mom (S), introduced me to, "The Chronicles of Narnia." I loved the creatures like the pegasus, the griffins and all the other mythological creatures and the author C.S. Lewis is supposed to be an amazing Christian Man. I want to add I still dislike reading unless I can use my imagination while reading. I get bored. I want to take this a step further, another beloved and supposed great Christian series is "The Lord of the Rings." They have an numerous mythological creatures, as well as "magick." This is where my anger and frustration comes in. Why is it ok in these books and movies but not outside of them? Why is it ok to read about them in these books but not ok to own a statue or one of them or read another story about the same creature? I once read a verse in the Bible somewhere that led me to believe that there were once unicorns. I dont know where it was but I am going to look for it. ((sighs)) I really enjoy fantasy and mythological stories and entertainment. I dont put any weight behind it. I just dont understand why are these things ok sometimes. There is something not right here. Who makes these decsisions. I have to ask myself can I read fantasy books and entertain myself with fairies and other creatures and still please my Lord? I have had bad experiences with evil spirits. They were very frightening experiences and I dont want to open myself up to them again. I dont think that the battle inside of me would be so intense if these contradictions could be cleared up. So many questions, and a few have tried to answer them but I have found nothing that satifies me. It is definitely something that I need to keep talking to God about. I almost wonder if these are questions you have to answer for yourself while praying and talking to God and searching out his word. The most frustrating thing is that there are so many things that people have just written off as witch craft. I wonder if they are just in that catagory because they do not understand them and/or because of that or fear, they label it "Do not touch!" I am a daughter of God. I do not want to be involved in Witch Craft. I am just not sold that everything marked "danger" is actually that.
Prudence "Prue" Halliwell, She is the oldest of four (Just like me), daughter of Patty Halliwell and Victor Bennett. Prue was a witch, a charmed one - one of the most powerful witches of all time, what an honor and responsibility. She was named after Malinda Warren, her grandmother and founder of the Warren witch line. I like Prue because of her passion and strength. Prue believed in herself, her spirituality and loved ones. She balanced them all very well in her life. I would love to have a job like she held in the Museum of Natural History in San Francisco as well as her photography. You should see the collection of photos I have of my family and friends. I admire the confidence and knowlege she showed as she identified artifacts and appraised them. Whether it was her life as a witch, her professional life or being a big sister she knew her stuff. She was the rock of her family and those around her when there was obvious turmoil. She thought through things and had a logical and strategical way about her approach to everything. Prue stepped up to the plate, sometimes putting herself on the line to look out for and care for others. I know that she was a fictional character but she did have so many qualities that I admire.